


Not the Worst Thing

by Canaan



Category: Torchwood
Genre: Multi, Stand Alone, Vignette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-01
Updated: 2012-01-01
Packaged: 2017-10-28 16:54:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/310003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Canaan/pseuds/Canaan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"This is not the worst thing that's happened since either of us joined Torchwood."  Jack/Gwen/Ianto, now with gratuitous sex pollen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not the Worst Thing

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to commit porn for [the Torchwood/Doctor Who Comment!Porn Battle VI](http://51stcenturyfox.livejournal.com/103254.html). And failed a bit, but I'm posting the results, anyway. Beta'd by Mimarie, Aibhinn, and Yamx--remaining mistakes are All Mine. Disclaimer: RTD and the BBC own all.

"It's in the air, Gwen," Jack said. "What _exactly_ do you think we should _do_?"

"Something. Anything," Gwen said, even as her fingers made quick work of the buttons on Ianto's waistcoat. "We can't just _leave_ them like this."

Jack looked around the Plass, observing at least a dozen other people being far more visibly amorous than usual, though nowhere near as physical about it--well, not yet, anyway--as Gwen and Ianto. He drew a strangled breath, placing a hand on Ianto's shoulder to herd the pair toward the invisible lift. "If we had the time and the resources, we could try to engineer an antagonist and release it into the air. But we don't. According to the readings, it'll run its course in about six hours. If it were any longer, I'd swallow my pride and contact UNIT, hoping they could handle it, instead. As it stands, by the time UNIT even got moving, the event would be--" he gasped as a large, warm hand settled over his groin and squeezed. "Over."

He was confronted by a solid wall of very determined Ianto and Gwen. Jack knew he must be more distracted than he thought, because he hadn't even noticed when they got themselves turned around and focused on him, rather than trying to strip each other naked in the middle of the Plass. "And what do you expect us to do in the meantime?" Gwen asked, her voice as breathy as her question was serious. Ianto'd tugged her shirt out of her jeans and her lips were kiss-swollen.

Jack found himself leaning toward them. He used that momentum to propel all three of them onto the lift and somehow managed a friendly brush of lips against lips, when what he really wanted was for their tongues to become better acquainted. But if he lost control, they'd end up having sex right here on the pavement, and he'd much rather have them in a bed (or on the sofa, or at least somewhere that left fewer scrapes and bruises). "What comes naturally," he suggested, hearing the strain in his own voice. Gwen was soft and pliant in his arms, even as the long line of Ianto's body burned against his other side like liquid fire. "It'd be too painful to resist--maybe even damaging. We were right on top of the thing when it came through. Our exposure was really, really, heavy--much heavier than everyone catching a few random breaths now that it's dispersed into the air." He found himself seriously distracted by the elegant curve of her neck, and his left hand seemed to have wound up in the rear pocket of her jeans while his right had worked its way up the back of Ianto's shirt.

"Death by sex pollen," Ianto muttered as he reached for Jack's belt buckle. "How embarrassing."

"But Rhys . . . " Gwen lost her thought mid-sentence as Jack nibbled at her neck. _That_ , at least, was the reaction he'd hoped for. It was about the only thing that had gone right today.

"Face it, Gwen," Ianto said gently, "this is not the worst thing that's happened since either of us joined Torchwood. It's not even the strangest."

"It's not even in the top ten," Jack agreed. "At least we were just out checking that signal when the rift activity spiked." For Gwen's peace of mind, he had to keep things light, even as he wanted to strip her out of her knickers while Ianto finished off his belt and got him out of his braces. "What if we'd been hunting Weevils, instead? Not that I mind a wild ride, but Weevils can be kinda rough."

"I don't want to know how you know that," Gwen said. She grabbed at Jack's shirt so hard that three buttons went flying. "Take your hand off my arse long enough to start the lift," she moaned. "There's always retcon."

"Retcon? I'm wounded," Ianto said, half-laughing as Jack used his wriststrap to trigger the lift.

"You two are like family!" Gwen protested, with her hands unzipping Ianto's trousers. Ianto ran a hand up the back of her thigh as the lift began to descend. She moaned.

"You'll tell yourself, afterward, it was the sex pollen," Jack said. He held her from behind, trying to ignore the extraordinary rightness of the way she fit under his chin. He distracted them both by reaching into the low neckline of her blouse to wrap his hand around one lace-covered breast. She whimpered.

Ianto kissed him fiercely over Gwen's shoulder before he could say anything stupider. Jack wondered he if she'd think about those words later.

He wondered if he wanted her to.


End file.
